Unique Outdoor Christmas Decorations for People Who Hate Christmas

Or Christmas-Themed Halloween Decorations

Every year come Christmas, the world seems to brighten up a bit. People take pity on the homeless; strangers actually wave hello – there’s good cheer to be found on every corner. The kids are home from school, the in-laws come to visit, your neighbors compete over who can blind the most passers-by with their Christmas lights, people sing in the streets… Does it make you want to vomit?

If the idea of Christmas makes you cringe, or if you just feel like having a little mischievous fun for once, try these outdoor Christmas decorations on for size. You will enjoy hours of endless entertainment as you sit back and watch the neighbors gawk.

Flaming Santa in Chimney Top – Uh oh! Looks like Santa had a few too many cookies this year, and his girth won’t allow for a downward chimney motion. Santa’s chuckles of “Ho ho ho!” will soon turn to screams of “Oh oh oh!” as someone inside lights a fire. Simply purchase a stuffed, plastic, or inflatable Santa from your local all-things-Christmas store, and attach him to your chimney top. Next, pull out the flame decorations from your Halloween bin, and line the chimney so that Santa is engulfed in fire. Alternatively, you can cut your own flames out of orange, red, and yellow construction paper. Make sure to get these laminated if you want them to survive the rain or snow. For added effect, you can cover Santa in ash to give him that blackened-to-a-crisp look.

Skeleton Nativity Scene – Jesus, Mary, and Joseph lived soooo long ago… Let’s be realistic about their level of bodily decomposition. Construct a manger for your family of three to shelter beneath – or purchase a manger from a traditional nativity set. Dig out those skeletons from last Halloween and dress them in period-clothing. They should be wearing robe-like clothes with head coverings. Throw in some sandals or a beard (for Joseph) for good measure. Make sure you use a small-size skeleton for Baby Jesus. Position all characters as they would be positioned in a traditional nativity scene, with Joseph and Mary gazing down at their beautiful new child.

Cemetery for Fallen Toy Soldiers – Each year, thousands of toy soldiers die in the epic battle to save Christmas. These brave men, who risked their lives to protect this sacred holiday, deserve to be buried with honor…in your front yard. Foam gravestones are an excellent choice for this setup. You can even create your own inscriptions, like “Toy Soldier #482: Died by Friendly Fire, May He Rest in Peace.”

Angry Frosty – Another Christmas warrior, Frosty is pissed that this holy holiday has become so commercialized. Give your Frosty a look of rage, with down-turned eyebrows, black beady eyes, and bloody fangs. If you give Frosty limbs made of twigs, why not arm him with a toy knife or gun? No one will even think of kicking down your snowman this year.

Little Angels Caught in a Spider Web – The great outdoors can be a dangerous place for naive little angels. This flock of angels seems to have flown straight into the trap of a very hungry spider. Pray hard enough and maybe God will save them! Once again, unearth that bin of Halloween decorations from your basement and pull out your wad of all-purpose spider webs. Stretch the webs between two trees or two large branches. Entangle a few angels into your web. Wrap a few more in spider web cocoons and dangle them from the tree. Finally, place a large, hairy spider nearby so that he can keep an eye on his prey.

Scary Wreath – This simple decoration requires the purchase of a Halloween-themed wreath. It can be made of blackened, dead twigs and can be decorated with bats or skulls. You can even purchase a real Christmas wreath and modify it to suit your taste. You can replace pinecones with plastic roaches, and replace berries or bulb ornaments with eyeballs. The possibilities are only limited by your creative (and demented) mind.

Drunken Santa Crashed his Sleigh – You know what they say about drinking and flying, right? This inebriated Santa has had too many glasses of rumnog. His sleigh has crashed into the side of your house (or into the branches of a tree), and he still has the bottle of booze in his gloved hand. Does Santa have no shame? His reindeer are strewn all across your yard, wondering what went so terribly wrong.

Speaking of reindeer…

Troop of Elves Go Reindeer Hunting – An elf’s gotta eat, doesn’t he? One end of your yard can host a herd of innocently grazing reindeer, while at the other end of your yard, hiding amongst the bushes (or even staked out behind the manger) is a group of hungry, meat-loving elves. Arm your elves with projectile weapons, like shotguns, bows and arrows, or slingshots. Have another group of elves, with forks and knives in hand, hunker over a deer they’ve already bagged.

There’s no reason Christmas has to be sickeningly sweet this year. Make your yard stand out with these unique Christmas decorations. Alternatively, all of these ideas would make great Christmas-themed Halloween decorations. Here’s wishing you a happy holiday!

 

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